After years of friendship, parties, living together and hangouts I become someone who is just left out of this strange new three-some. Truly I want to blame one person for this and for an overreaction to a fucking game that we played at an evening meal but aren't the other parties to blame for not realising I have not done anything wrong... in Addition to that, when I have asked what the issue between myself and this person is they the other parties don't want to even try to help me understand what I have done wrong....
Yes I moved to a different part of the country and wasn't talking to them as much
Yes I got a boyfriend who I want to spend most of my time with
Yes I could've tried more with contacting them throughout the months of being away and re-arranged a time for them to come to visit
Yes when I was back I could have made an effort to see them or tell them I was here for a weekend
Yes I feel awful because I have no idea how to fix any of this without apologising for something I don't understand
Maybe the issue is that they feel I no longer care or have time for them
Maybe I was wrong and was not fair to them
Maybe I could have just apologised and be done with it all and move on
Maybe it is up to me to have to piece everything together
Maybe they could try harder in wanting to come and see me on this side of the city and not theirs
Maybe everything will blow over sooner or later and we can all be chill again
Maybe they miss the person I was because they had so much control over me
Maybe our friendship only existed because it was convenient for us all
Maybe they couldn't care less if they ever speak to me again
Maybe I should speak up and let it known that I'm bored of this bullshit and want to know where we all stand and if moving forward is even an option
No, I will not go back to being a source of entertainment for them
No, I will no longer feel like I have to make so much more effort for them
No, I do not think I am the one to blame for this turning out the way it has
No, I don't believe that things can go back to the way they are
No, friendship does not depend on one person making effort if the other parties don't wish to respond and/or make effort themselves
No, I don't think I will ever not be mad that this has all happened
No, I can't believe that this all happened in the first place
No, I will not put them before someone who genuinely cares about me
No, I will not pretend that I'm not upset that I can't talk to them as freely anymore and feel like I've lost friends
No, I will never beg.
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